Sunday, July 29, 2012

Denial - It's Not a River in Egypt

For the past month or so, I have been living in denial. Big time. I didn't realize this until I missed an oncology appointment on July 18. I basically just blew it off. I had something going on at work and completely "forgot" about my doctor appointment. If that isn't denial, I don't know what is.

And here's another clue that I am in denial. I am still eating meat and drinking wine just like I was before my diagnosis. In my head I know that I need to cut out the acidic animal products and alcohol. I know that I need to eat more veggies and drink green juices. I even have a $200 Breville Juicer collecting dust on a shelf in my kitchen.

After all that I have been through, why am I behaving this way?

According to Wikipedia, denial is a defense mechanism "in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence."

There are three types of denial: simple denial, minimization and projection. I definitely fall into the category of minimization which is admitting a fact ("Yes, I had breast cancer.") but denying its seriousness ("It was caught early. I had chemo. I feel fine. I will be fine...").

The truth is, I had breast cancer. And if I want to avoid a recurrence or another breast cancer, I need to pull my head out of the sand and get serious.

In my mind, "getting serious" means:
  • Eliminating alcohol.
  • Going vegan.
  • Exercising at least 3 hours per week.
  • Meditating every day.
  • Taking yoga classes.
  • Drinking green juices every day.
And that's just for starters.

Comments on Comments:

Catherine - Thank you for being the first to follow my new blog! I hope you are recovering from your recent reconstruction surgery. Yes, a long road ahead for sure but I think the worst is behind us.

Mandi - Hi there! Thanks for following me over here. We are not at 29 years yet - just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary. As I was writing my anniversary card to my husband, I told him that now I understand what "in sickness and in health" really means.

Evelyne - Girl! How are you? I hope you are doing well and enjoying life. Thanks for stopping by to leave me a comment. How do you like my "Comments on Comments" section? Does it look familiar? haha!

Liz - Thank you for finding my blog. I just popped over to read yours and yes, we do have some similarities in our breast cancer experiences. You look wonderful with short hair! I hope you are feeling well and taking your tamoxifen every day. I will continue reading your blog to get caught up.


  1. Life is too short to not eat butter, and drink wine... ;) I try to exercise and eat at least 5 servings of veggies. I figure that makes up for the rest of it right?

  2. Hi Jen, I have looked at what Debbie put on one of her recent blog posts and was convinced I had done the right thing n limiting alcohol. I can count on one hand the number of glasses of wine I've had in the year since diagnosis, not that I was a drinker anyway. I have definitely increased the amount of greens in my diet and once I get the all clear after my recent surgery, exercise will become a bigger part of my everyday life. I can't quite make the move to being vegan in my house with four kids and hubby, but limit the amount of meat I eat. After all, we've got to try and give ourselves every chance. It was interesting reading about how important it seems completing the 5 years of Tamoxifen is too. Hope you are dong well on it. Cath